But there is a super secret plan to win Pennsic through the cunning use... of Sherpas!
Sherpas, for those who don't know, are an ethnic group from the mountanous regions of Nepal in the Himalayas, Sher- meaning east and pa- meaning people. They are also expert mountaineers.
OK, so what started out as a simple plan to build a period argon, plasma creating laser beam running off the electrical power of lemons using only pre-1600 technology, now has escalated into a small Sherpa army.
Note: from here on should not be read by those who are faint of heart.... You have been warned.
Ok, so in figuring out how many lemons would be needed to run the, "laser" we discovered that 9 million lemons would be needed, and that when put into crates and set behind our robot we would have a half a football field of lemon crates stacked up 4 feet high.
By the way, our robot would be something resembling Da Vinci's clockwork suits of armor.
So then we thought, "why not just power it with clock work and an alternator?"
All clockwork no lemons.
So we fiddled with this idea some more and eventually decided that we would build the robot and then ask Miami University of Ohio for the permission to use one of their buildings for, "A demonstration of a plasma creating, argon laser, siege, clockwork robot built using pre-1600 technology and running off a battery built out of 9 million lemons" We figured they would laugh at us and then agree.
So then we had to figure out which building to blow up... hmmm.
"Student center?"
No
"Bell tower?"
No
"Wait! I got it. Lets blow up the old walmart building!"
No, that land is owned by Wright Patterson Air Force Base (Also known, according to the signs on the highway, as WPAFB, which is really really funny to pronounce.)
"Yeah, they'll fire back..."
"You know what we should use to power it?"
What?
"Sherpas!"
So it was decided that by harnessing the power of many Sherpas running up a mountain and then jumping off while holding onto a pull cord we could run our robot. The problem with this is, the robot is in Europe, the demo is in Ohio. How do we get Sherpas to Ohio and how do we use them to create energy without a mountain to jump off of?
The answer will shock and amaze...
First of all we take a short beautiful woman, aka my roomate, and we dangle her from a small plane that we fly over the Himalayas to lure the Sherpas to follow us across Asia, Asia Minor, Europe, the Atlantic Ocean (if they can climb Mt. Everast in 8 hours surely they can swim the Atlantic) and through the Eastern sea board into Ohio.
In place of a mountain for them to climb and jump off of we devised a fly wheel oddly similar to the one from Pirates of the Carribean 2.
Problem, how do we house the 1000 or so Sherpa males that we would need?
Simple! We genetically engineer them to be midget Sherpas (all the power but half the size) and make a Sherpa farm for them to live on, where we will breed an ever renewing supply of Sherpas.
Ok so Sherpas are taken care of. But Wright Patterson is still a big problem, and they have more than one building we would need to destroy... solution, Nuclear Sherpa Grenade, or NSG for short.
By taking a small amount of Plutonium and setting it into place so that when 1000 midget Sherpas jump onto a platform simultaneously it will implode and thus create a nuclear reaction we can take out all of Wright Patterson in one attack.
Brilliant!
So how are we going to pay for all this?
Well all the male Sherpas followed our dangled beauty, leaving all the female Sherpas behind. Eventually due to sexual frustration the female Sherpas will turn to being lesbians and we will film it and teach a class on Period Lesbian Sherpa Mating techniques at Pennsic. Hand outs will be 3 dollars per person and the video will be 50.
Using that money we will start up a website and charge per month for access to it, thus getting funding for the NSG.
Wait a tick! Why don't we use the Sherpas to win Pennsic? Brilliant!
So here is the plan. We get a beautiful, short, fighter chick, armor up our Sherpas, give some of them sheep to use for Cavalry, the fighter chick charges the Eastern army, thus drawing the Sherpa men to charge behind her, followed by our sheep cavalry, followed by all the midrealm/allied scottsman, followed by the midrealm/allied englishmen, followed by the french, and finally misc other European nations. I, as the lone spaniard, will stand in the back and laugh.
The plan pretty much runs itself...
Current Mood: |
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